A Difficult Decision

Not more than a month ago I was trying to decide which genealogy event to participate in this year. I was very excited because this would be my first time going away for a week for genealogical training. I sat down with my husband and we discussed the dates and the costs. In the end we settled on the National Institute of Genealogical Research (NIGR) in Washington DC during the third week of July. I was over the moon!

Last week the application arrived in the mail and I was getting ready to finalize my plans. Everything seemed on track.

Then the call came. The first one was from my brother. The second one was from my Dad. We had the opportunity to spend two weeks together on a family vacation on the coast thanks to a cousin offering us her house.

I readily agreed that the last week in July would be fine. But I wouldn't budge on that third week, the week of my institute. I spent time talking to my Dad and he really wanted us to go for both weeks.

I did some quick re-thinking. Perhaps I could go to another institute. GRIPitt perhaps? I really wanted to go to that anyway. No luck. That one takes place during the fourth week of July which was still during the family vacation time.

I gave it some really serious thought. I had an institute, my first real institute, nearly in the grip of my hand.

And then I let it go.

It will have to wait for another year I suppose.

Ultimately, I decided that the time my three boys can spend with their grandfather is more important than my need to go to a genealogy institute. The chance for them to spend two whole weeks with their grandfather in one of the most beautiful places in the world and one that is so special to our family outranked everything else.

Yeah, I am so sad but life is about choices. Our ancestors had to make far tougher choices. I will be celebrating the present and building memories for the future instead.

Yes, I came that close. * sigh *

Comments

  1. There is always next year as the saying goes. In the end you will be very happy with the choice you've made Marian and I applaud you for choosing family. Go you!

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  2. You will cherish the memories with your family for the rest of your life. Another institute will be waiting for you next year....or the next. You made the right choice!

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  3. I am excited for you that you get a family vacation with such great (and free!) accommodations but I feel your pain about not being able to get away. Having four kids myself, it's a challenge to do onsite research or attend seminars or institutes. I attended the Family Tree DNA conference in Houston last year and that was a big deal for me. This year I'm going to drag my kids with me through Maine, Nova Scotia, and New Brunswick for three weeks. I've promised them that we'll spend just two hours per day in repositories or museums. Do you think they'll ever want to go on another vacation with their mom again after that?

    P.S. If you ever walk into the CT State Library and see a small girl getting the evil eye for spinning a chair in circles by the scanner-reader in the back corner, she would be mine. ;0)

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  4. I understand your dilemma. I just went to my first conference last year. I didn't do any when my daughter was little, and then there were college expenses. I did get to do one day at an FGS conference held in Boston in 2006, but that was because my daughter was an intern at NEHGS. I enjoyed her time at NEHGS very much because I got to visit her there often, and hang out in the offices and met EVERYONE at the conference. So it did pay to be patient and wait until she grew up! I still haven't been able to justify an institute, but maybe someday...

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  5. You made the right choice. I promise you that you won't be thinking of that conference when you're older - it will be the time you spent with your family!

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  6. Hooray for your decision. As much as genealogy means to me, my family right now means so much more. My respect for you has once again grown from one of your blog posts.

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  7. Marian you chose the institute of family for that I applaud you.

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  8. Marian I feel like the opportunity for your children to know THEIR ancestors is precious and irreplaceable. You're giving them that gift. As genealogists, we know what a gift it is.

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  9. You have ABSOLUTELY made the right choice. NIGR will definitely be there next year. We can, none of us, say that about the people we love. Enjoy your two weeks with your family.

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  10. I really, really think you made the right choice. I also think that our ancestors would rather have us spend time with living relatives than look for them. Many of their lives were cut short, and I think they'd want us to *live.*

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  11. Yup - family first at this point in their lives - and don't we always say to make sure we talk with/spend time with our older relatives? Not just for potential genealogical treasure, but for the wonderful relationships we develop over the years. Memories are treasure. Have a wonderful time, take lots of photos, tell lots of stories.

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  12. "amen" to what everyone else has said!

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  13. Marian, the time you spend making family history is so much more important than an institute. Institutes are offered every year - you may not have this family opportunity again. Enjoy your time together!

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  14. For what it is worth, I also think you made the right call. In time you will say "I'm glad I spent time with the family" instead of "I wish I'd had that time with Dad"

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  15. I agree with the others, right decision... go with the living and the memories that will make for your kids. Definitely the best choice. You can always go visit a cemetery while you're there or even an old house just for fun! ;0)

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  16. Marian,

    Washington, DC in July vs the Coast with family ... hmmm. Have you ever been in DC in July ?? I lived there for 15 years.

    How about RootsTech 2013 ??? Oops, NERGS in 2013. Choices.

    Russ

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  17. Definitely you made the right choice! I found it impossible to get away before the last two years - once my kids were in the last years of high school, it suddenly became doable. Cherish your time with the family - I can't believe my time is coming to an end (once I left to go to college I never spent much time at home or with family after that - maybe my kids will be different).

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  18. Great choice. We grandparents say "Thank you!" - building memories for your kids, and yourself! ;-)

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  19. I feel your pain but nelieve me you made the right choice. What I wouldn't give for our family to have another week with Dad/Grandpa. Everyone will cherish and look fondly back on your times together.

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  20. Wise unselfish choice! Life is fragile and your time with your family will build wonderful memories. There will be a bigger and better Institute next year with even more of th latest and greatest. Enjoy your family time and make great memories! Perhaps you can organize some genealogy for the yo.ung ones.

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  21. Wise unselfish choice! Life is fragile and your time with your family will build wonderful memories. There will be a bigger and better Institute next year with even more of th latest and greatest. Enjoy your family time and make great memories! Perhaps you can organize some genealogy for the yo.ung ones.

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  22. My baby just started college this year so yes, you made the right decision . They will grow and you will have time to catch up with the genealogical business later.

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  23. I think you made the right choice. I've seen other genealogists doing the same thing. But it doesn't always make it easier. And, guess what? Just because your children are grown doesn't mean that there won't be difficult choices in the future. I would have loved to meet you at GRIPitt. Perhaps next year.

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  24. I try not to have many regrets in life, but I do have one. My sisters and dad went to Florida on a family vacation the year my husband was laid off. They had only one or two plane tickets to buy and people to feed but we had four. I regret that the decision came down to money. Dad wasn't with us all that much longer.

    We are into family history because of our families. We are their living history. Have fun making memories!

    -- Elissa

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  25. I feel you Marian! I wanted to go to GRIPitt sooo badly but the week before registration opened, my nephew announced his wedding date. So my genealogy education plans will have to wait til next year.

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  26. I know it was a hard decision, but you'll have another chance to go!!

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  27. Not only did you make the right decision but think of all of the stories that you can get from your father while you are together. I'm sure that your kids would also love to hear some of your father's stories. And to think how that can help your family research. He just might come up with some tidbit that you didn't know about. Good luck and enjoy the time together.

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