Family Memoirs: A Lifetime of Addresses

Every once in awhile I send an email to my uncles and my Dad with a single question in it. The questions trigger them to record something about their lives. For instance, one question was "What was your first car?" Then I ask them to email me back with the answer. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. I don't worry about it too much (though I would like to get answers back from all of them) because my goal is to get them thinking, remembering and realizing that they should write down and save this information.

A year or two ago I asked them to send me a list of all the addresses they had ever lived at. My Uncle Bob replied with his full list but the others didn't. My Dad still keeps promising me his some day.

The other day I was giving a house history talk at the Windsor, Connecticut Historical Society. After the talk a gentleman came up to me and introduced himself as the president of the Simsbury, Connecticut Historical Society. We got to talking because I'll be giving a talk in Simsbury in a few months.

I happened to mention that I had grown up in Connecticut and lived in Simsbury when I was a child. Of course, the natural next question was which street did I live on.

Do you know what? I couldn't tell him! I couldn't remember. I drew a total blank. I lived in Simsbury only for 5 years from age 5 to 9 so it's not unusual that I might forget. But that was the first time I had forgotten something about my own life.

That was a real eye opener. While it is important to focus on the previous generation (such as my Dad and uncles) it's also important to focus on our own lives.

I think genealogists are particularly prone to neglecting themselves in their quest for previous generations.

Can you remember all the addresses where you have lived? Have you written them down? Take a moment to do it if you haven't done it yet.  Better yet, create a directory on your computer called "My Life" or something similar and start recording many of your memories. Do a little bit each week.

What a shame it would be to lose your own memories! Save them and pass them on!

Family Memoirs: The Moments We Never Forget

I was just reading a wonderful, thought provoking post called "Do You Remember John F. Kennedy?" on the blog Barbara's Kitchen Table. Barbara talks about the various reactions to this question in a diversity training class and recalls her own memory of when JFK was shot.

Certain memories are tremendously powerful and often contribute universally to the memory of a nation. These are the memories that when we think back, we know exactly where we were and what we were doing at that exact moment.

I have two such memories (maybe I'll think of more later?)

John Lennon's Death

When John Lennon died perhaps it didn't impact the world quite as much as when John F. Kennedy died but it was one of those unforgettable moments in my life. I remember exactly what I was doing clear as if it were happening right now. I was in 7th grade and I was the first one downstairs reading the newspaper. Lennon's death was the headline in the paper.  My older brother, who worshiped John Lennon, strolled downstairs and I told him the news. At first he didn't believe me. Then I remember watching his shocked look as he sat down and it sunk in.  That evening we watched on tv as hundreds of people left flowers outside the Dakota building.

9/11

This event of course impacted not just the United States but also the world. I don't think I will ever forget this day. It was so surreal. I was nine months pregnant with my second child at the time. I remember the powerful emotions I felt when watching the news programs. I made a conscious choice that day not to watch the tv coverage.  I felt the emotions were too strong and the grief could impact my unborn baby.  So I chose to acknowledge it but not get trapped into watching endless coverage of the event. 

An interesting part of Barbara's post discussed the "memory" of people who witnessed events live and those who learned about them later. Both groups can have strong emotions about an event but only one group actually witnessed it.

Thanks Barbara for the great food for thought.

I would be interested to hear what some of the momentous events in your life were that you will never forget.

Family Memoirs: Fascinating Magical Objects

This post is one in a series intended to help and encourage people to write down their memories in short, manageable segments. These memories will in time build to become a memoir that can be passed down to future generations.


Fascinating Magical Objects

Was there an object during your childhood that captivated your attention and fascinated you? I was recently reminded of my magical object after many years of forgetting about it.

As a child one of the things that captivated me was my mother's button box. Everything about the box was interesting. It was an assortment of hundreds of buttons on the inside in all different shapes, colors and sizes. I used to pour out the box just to look at what were to me, magical buttons. The box itself was special too. It wasn't an ordinary box. It had a design that reminded me of embroidery. And the corners, instead of being square, were notched into a slight groove that a child could slip its finger into. We didn't use the button box much for actually retrieving buttons but it was there when we needed it. Mostly it was a mysterious item that received new buttons and seldom lost them.

Think back to your childhood and try to remember if there was any object that captivated your attention.  Write about what it looked like and why it captivated you.  You'll enjoy the trip down memory lane and your descendants will have another way to get to know you better.

Family Memoirs: Comparing and Contrasting Childhoods

If you haven't done it already, start a file on your computer where you can record your memoirs, the memories of your life and those who were a part of it.  By completing short exercises like this one every so often, you will leave the gift of your life to future generations.

Some of my earlier posts on this topic included:

• Family Memoirs: Don't Forget Your Personal Migration Stories
• Family Memoirs: What's In a Name?
• Family Memoirs: Include Your Siblings

Today I'd like to ask you to think back to your childhood and jot a few notes down.  Ah, but it's not that simple!  

Think about your childhood and then think about your kids' childhoods.  What was your childhood like?  What is childhood like for your children?  Compare and contrast what's different between the two.

For instance, my childhood was devoid of parental attendance at after school activities.  It just didn't happen.  Both of my parents were working.  But I think, at that time, it wasn't stressed for parents to attend games or other events.  However, today I seem to have spent most of my boys' childhoods on the soccer field.  I have missed very few games.  The amount of time I spend with my children is vastly different from what my parents spent with me.  I don't think either is right or wrong.  It's just different.

Also, think about the things you didn't like about your parents. We all had conflict with our parents at one time or another.  Was there something that your mother or father did that you said you would never do when you became a parent?  How did that turn out?  As an adult did you become opposite of your parents or did you, as the joke goes, become your parents?

Remember, this exercise is about contrasting and comparing childhoods not getting too in depth into analysis.  If you know about your parents' childhoods, you could turn this into a 3 generation exercise.  Write about how your childhood was different from your parents and how your children's is different from yours.

Future generations will love to hear about the differences in childhoods through the generations.  Take 15 minutes and get writing!

Family Memoirs: Include Your Siblings

If you have siblings you've probably realized by now that you don't see eye to eye on everything. In fact, you can attend the same events and walk away with completely different experiences. Different points of view can be a real boon to capturing your family memories.

When I was a kid, my brothers and I took a family vacation to Jamaica with our Mom. I had so much fun going to the beach and to restaurants. I also remember being haunted by the poverty. My oldest brother, on the other hand, was bored. He spent most of his week reading under a palm tree. If we were to share recollections of that event now we would very likely have completely different memories.

Sometime when you have a to chance to visit with your siblings - even if it has to be on the phone - ask them to recall a specific event. Perhaps Christmas at Aunt Betty's house when you were kids. Ask them how they remember that experience.

Ideally, afterward, you would encourage them to write down their version of the event. If they protest, write down to the best of your ability, a recap of the conversation. When you finish writing send them a copy.

One of the best ways to get people writing is to start the writing process for them. You'll find that when they receive your document they will want to edit or re-write it. All the better for ensuring you capture their point of view.

Difficult situations from the past can also be handled this way. If your parents were divorced when you were young, you and siblings may remember it differently. Ask your siblings to recall or write about their memory of that time in your lives. Not only will it show you had different experiences it may just provide a healing experience as well.

The more siblings you have the more varied the memories of your event or situation will be. Contact your siblings soon and start capturing the events of your own childhood.

Family Memoirs: What's in a Name?

In my last post, I talked about personal migration patterns.  I emailed that to some family members to encourage them to accept the challenge of writing their history.  In the response I got from my Uncle Bob, he referred to me as Maid Marian.

My Uncle Bob has always referred to me as Maid Marian.  He is the only one who does.  It's a term of endearment, which, from him, I absolutely love.

It got me thinking about names. There is the name that is visible on official family records and then there is the name that family members actually call us.  I know that in certain Spanish or French cultures where Marie/Maria or Jean is used as the first name, the second name is actually the name that is used with family or friends.

In my family, my name is the only one that is not a diminutive or nick name.  My name is Marian and that's what people call me.  But my two brothers are very different.  They each have nicknames/family names that are fairly different from their formal names.  Both of the nicknames were whims of my mother.  I'm not sure why she didn't come up with one for me! Many families have names that are used only by family members while the more formal names are used by less intimate associates or sometimes not at all.

What names are used in your family? Have you ever given thought to the fact that your descendants will not be aware of these names?  They will know you by the names you leave behind in official records.  If you want your descendants to know you by your family name, write it down.  Take a moment to write a few paragraphs about your siblings, parents, children, etc.  Leave a breadcrumb for your descendants to know you better.

Family Memoirs: Don't Forget Your Personal Migration Stories

I am very interested in historical migration, where people went and why. That often gets me thinking about the present. I notice with my own family that we have certain annual migration patterns - visiting family, regular vacation spots, etc.

When I think about my own annual migration pattern it often gets me thinking about past generations and their migrations patterns. If I go on vacation to the same spot every year or visit my siblings, then maybe past generations did the same.

In my mind I am shifting from thinking about the big historic lifetime migrations, say out of New England to the West, to the smaller annual migrations families make. Much can be learned by looking at the annual migrations patterns.

In our own lives our we often overlook our own migration patterns as unimportant. It's just a vacation or visit after all. However, future generations may wonder why did you go to Montreal every year? Without a family connection they may be left wondering.

For instance, my great grandfather, Seeber Edwards, lived his whole adult life in Providence, Rhode Island. Yet I know that he was born on a farm in Glen, Montgomery County, New York. A number of his siblings continued to live out their lives in Glen. I also know that he purchased property in Port St. Lucie, Florida. Whether it was just land or a property with a house on it, I don't know. With this information I can reconstruct that his annual migration patterns may have included one or two of these locations.

Each generation has different migration patterns. My father was raised in a different state than I was. His connections were different too. With the frequency that people move these days, personal migration patterns can change every decade or perhaps even less.

Write Your Story Now

Do your children, grandchildren and descendants a favor and write a brief description of the migration patterns so far in your own life. Let them know why you spent a week in a cottage in Maine every summer. Or stopped to feed the ducks every year at a certain pond in Rhode Island. For that matter, let them know you that you attended the county fair each year.

If you can, write down your parents' migration patterns too. Or better yet, if they are still around, ask them to write it!

Get writing folks! Don't leave your history to public records that may be closed or lost in a digital catastrophe. Give your descendants their own history book to learn from.